I am dad's beloved girl

In my childhood years, I enjoy freedom in space, moving between swimming in the sea and playing on land in the care of my parents

At age 10, my sister is born

At age 14, I look after my younger sister while my parents work in the restaurant, or I help them, and I feel privileged. When they give up the restaurant, the responsibility remains and my mum restricts my freedom of movement

At age 16, I do the stupid thing of smoking hashish with my boyfriend at parties because I can and do anything I want to

At age 17, I decide to terminate my pregnancy

At age 19, I move into my parents' former house with my boyfriend

At age 19, I give up my accounting and business management studies and find a job and have my own car

When I am 20, my boyfriend sometimes disappears for a few hours during the day and behaves strangely when he returns

At age 20, I prefer my boyfriend and his friend to smoke heroin at home rather than behind my back. They are the ones who encouraged me to smoke heroin by passing the silver tube through my nose several times

At age 20, I buy drugs to smoke with my boyfriend and, although he keeps refusing, I get my way

At age 20, I travel to Canada with my boyfriend, feel better there than anywhere else and tell my parents I am staying

At age 21, I work illegally in a potato factory

At age 22, I have an accident and the driver who caused it pays for my treatment and compensates me for the loss of work if I don't report her. She introduces me to the Portuguese community in Toronto and I find my adoptive home there

At age 22, I find work in a bar

At age 23, I break up with my cheating boyfriend and move into another space

At age 23, I smoke crack, cocaine and marijuana with friends from time to time

At age 25, I enjoy my vivacity and show my parents how independent, resilient, strong and embedded I am in my social environment

At age 25, the owners of the bar support my application for official residence and work permit in exchange for small acts of favours

At age 26, I am overcome by strong feelings for my ex-boyfriend's long-standing friend and decide to follow him back to Portugal – still intending to apply for my documents for Canada

At age 26, I play double games with my lover's parents by pretending to be clean and promising to get their son out of the drug scene and support him through detox

At age 27, my lover moves to the UK for a year, I stay in Portugal, use drugs uncontrollably and become addicted. My lover immediately recognises my addiction and leaves me

At age 29, I realise I need help. I'm too thin, my body stinks and I'm mentally and emotionally neglected

At age 31, I finance my drugs with jobs and crimes, calm my worried family with half-hearted attempts at treatment

At age 32, I feel intensely guilty about my parents' divorce. I use more drugs, manipulate, cheat and steal

At age 32, I start a toxic relationship with a drug-addicted man and we use drugs together

When I am 34, I live in my partner's house with his mother. Since he is often away from home for long periods as a seaman, I take care of his terminally ill mother, who loves me very much and protects me when her son is obsessive, jealous and out of controlIch bin 34 Jahre alt und lebe im Haus meines Partners zusammen mit seiner Mutter. Da er als Seemann oft für lange Zeit weg von zu Hause ist, kümmere ich mich um seine todkranke Mutter, die mich sehr liebt und beschützt, wenn ihr Sohn obsessiv, eifersüchtig und außer Kontrolle ist

At age 34, my father suffers a heart attack, and I cannot look after him

At age 34 and 35, I live in addiction and fear, dependent on a cruel partner and defenceless against his psychological and physical violence

At age 35, my partner becomes unemployed and must give up his flat and we drift between drugs, the streets and hostels. Sometimes I find work, but most of the time I commit thefts to consume heroin

At age 39, I serve three months in prison and then continued my life of drug use and trafficking

At age 39, I am arrested for possession of heroin and cocaine. The judge orders me to report to the police every day

At age 39, I am taken directly to prison during a routine report and am informed of my sentence of 3 years and 9 months. All open proceedings will be combined into 17 years and 2 months imprisonment. After 2 appeals, the amount of the final sentence is set at 13 years and 2 months

At age 40, I detox in prison and go through medical and therapeutic treatment for 2 years

At age 41, I finished secondary school and enrol in higher education, studying social sciences at the Universidade Aberta in Lisbon, while in prison

Since age 40, I am reflecting on my life path and working on my personal development and growth, as well as my self-knowledge