I am born because my mother is against abortion as a deadly sin

From the age of four my mother hits me violently whenever I ask about my father, who I know nothing about

From the age of nine I play basketball and my mother rewards me

At the age of eleven I defend myself from my mother’s sadistic abuse and humiliation of me

At the age of fourteen I lose any prospect of a career in sport

At the age of fourteen I leave school and am beaten by my sisters and my mother

At the age of fourteen I try to kill myself so that my mother will be rid of me

At the age of sixteen I drop out of my course and help Bosnian refugees in a UN refugee camp

At the age of sixteen I learn from UN peacekeepers to smoke dope and to use XTC and LSD

When I am sixteen my mother forbids me to marry a Muslim Arab

At the age of seventeen I have a job and I can afford to take speed, LSD, XTC, hash, marijuana and magic mushrooms at techno parties

At the age of nineteen I fall in love with the party dealer and we get into a symbiotic relationship

At the age of nineteen I am adopted by my mother-in-law as a much-loved daughter

At the age of nineteen I use heroin as a downer after consuming extreme quantities of cocaine, XTC and speed

At the age of twenty-two I am happy within our junkie relationship

At the age of twenty-two I am clean and happy with the birth of the first of our four children

From the age of twenty-three my husband takes care of the drugs and money and I make sure we have a nice home

When I am twenty-three my mother reports me to the police to get my children taken away from me

When I am twenty-three the police threatens to take my children away if I don’t confess to an offence

At the age of twenty-six I am relieved after my mother’s death and miss the continuation of our conflict

At the age of twenty-nine I am put in a coma while on remand so that I will survive withdrawal

At the age of thirty I take methadone while my husband is in detention and suffer from the unbearable separation of living apart from him

At the age of thirty-two I am sentenced to time in prison, I am clean, and I despair at being separated from my husband and my children

At the age of thirty-two I feel guilty about what my children are suffering