I am the grand-daughter of an alcoholic woman

At age six my mother and her boyfriend take me to Austria, to escape from the poverty in Poland

At age twelve my schoolteacher informs the Child Protection Service that my stepfather is abusing me

At age twelve I enjoy the kindness and attention of the counselors at the crisis center

At age thirteen I run away from home and seek the protection of a children’s home

At age fourteen my mother is not willing to leave my brother’s father for me

At age fourteen my mother regularly comes to visit me in the home and brings me sweets

At age fifteen I am an aggressive child, fight with my carers and refuse to adjust

At age fifteen I smoke marijuana and drink alcohol, together with other children in the home

At age sixteen I take XTC and speed, am transferred to a boarding school and adapt to the drug-use of the other girls who live there

At age sixteen I steal a dealer’s hash, copy his behaviour, feel proud of my power as a drug dealer and can afford to take unlimited quantities of heroin

At age seventeen I am given a prison sentence and my lover insists that I change my life

At age eighteen I wander the streets, seek out the company of other foreign addicts and use more and more drugs

At age eighteen I go to my mother for help, have myself admitted to a closed psychiatric clinic and am treated and put on inhibitors

At age eighteen I drop out of treatment and turn my aggression on my mother

At age eighteen I leave the commune

At age nineteen I am sent to prison and my girl-friend ends our relationship

At age nineteen I am afraid of being alone, get hold of a gun and throw my weight around in the drugs scene

At age nineteen I am sent to prison and accept treatment for the first time

At age twenty I am clean and get over being hurt about having been used as a scapegoat and being an outsider

At age twenty I pray to god for a life free from poison