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Alma Kahn [1983] A
Ingeborg Kleinberg [1980] A
Ivana Landmann [1984] A
Kara Linasielka [1987] A
Josipa Boźić [1972] HR
Pia Herc [1976] HR
Vana Knez [1981] HR
Justina Kralj [1968] HR
Mella Affolter [1976] CH
Maria von Bank [1962] CH
Reneé Gasser [1960] CH
Kristine Stam [1959] CH
Hester van de Beuken [1958] NL
Tessa de Vries [1954] NL
Louise van der Laan [1955] NL
Renske Westra [1972] NL
Karin Pausch [1958-2002] D
Rebecca Mertens [1976] D

I am the daughter of a violent drinker and an anxious mother

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At age three I receive medical attention for the first time after my father’s violence, without my mother protecting me

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At age six I am raped by my father and placed in a children’s home for a year

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At age nine I am raped by my sixteen-year-old cousin and my mother brands me a liar and the traitor of the family

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At age eleven I learn to smoke hash and feel good in the company of outsiders

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At age eleven I am sent by my parents to a closed psychiatric unit, fight desperately against it and am given tranquilisers to keep me quiet

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At age thirteen I survive my first suicide attempt, am disowned by my father and flee from the city together with a friend

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At age thirteen the friend gives me my first shot of heroin and takes me with her to walk the streets

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At age thirteen I am a drug addict, move in with my pimp and live in shame

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At age fifteen I hope that my divorced mother will take me in and am rejected

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At age sixteen I marry my pimp

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At age seventeen I fall in love with a male drug addict, am happy, clean, and become a mother

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At age nineteen I go back to heroin and prostitution

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At age twenty-one I provide for my lover, who is in jail, and my son, by dealing

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At age twenty-one I break off contact with my father

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At age twenty-two I am diagnosed as having cirrhosis of the liver and I break off my first course of treatment

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At age twenty-three my boyfriend is released and we escape to Germany because of my court case

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At age twenty-three I am arrested, convicted, and given a long prison sentence

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At age twenty-three my boyfriend leaves me

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At age twenty-three I understand and forgive my mother’s betrayal

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At age twenty-four I am depressed, deliberately harm myself, and seek help

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Alma Kahn [1983] A

I am the second child of my single, underage mother

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At age six I am my stepfather’s scapegoat and he starts to abuse me

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At age twelve an unsuccessful attempt is made by my brother to report the fact that I am being abused to the police

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At age thirteen I fall in love with my boyfriend

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At age thirteen I hang out with older kids, start smoking hash and drinking alcohol

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At age fourteen I use cocaine and other drugs for the first time

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At age fourteen I am admitted to hospital and given treatment for months because my kidneys

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At age fourteen my boyfriend starts using drugs

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At age sixteen my mother decides that my child must be aborted

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At age seventeen my boyfriend kills himself with a pump-action gun

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At age seventeen I lose my mother and my faith in life

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After my boyfriend’s death I try to kill myself in any way I can find, and my grandmother suffers from my misery

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At age seventeen I have myself put on morphine at the same as taking methadone illegally

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At age eighteen I live in isolation and depression and spend the nights on my lover’s grave

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At age nineteen I am diagnosed as having cirrhosis of the liver and given treatment

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At age twenty I am committed to a psychiatric clinic and after two months I try to escape by making fresh suicide attempts

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At age twenty I am convicted of a violent offence and given a prison sentence; I refuse the treatment imposed

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At age twenty-one I leave forced treatment, am clean for four months and after a relapse have myself put on methadone

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At age twenty-two I no longer resist getting into a new relationship with a man

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At age twenty-four I am happy with the birth of our daughter, three days later I am put in prison and given psychiatric treatment

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At age twenty-four my child has disappeared and I discover that the Child Protection Service has placed her with a foster-mother

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At age twenty-seven I hope to put my past and my isolation behind me

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Ingeborg Kleinberg [1980] A

I am the religious child of my beloved parents

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At age three my father forces me to watch as he rapes my mother

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At age five my mother’s lover starts sexually abusing me

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At age eight my father abducts me and declares my mother dead

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At age nine my father terrorizes me and my mother with sexual violence

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At age ten my father orders me to punish him by inflicting physical harm on him and tries to kill us both

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At age eleven my brother is born and my stepfather stops raping me

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At age eleven I have to leave grammar school, suffer from anorexia and receive psychiatric treatment for hallucinations

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At age thirteen I use speed, tranquillizers, alcohol and methadone

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At age fourteen I discover my bisexuality

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At age fourteen I lead an intense, restless life without knowing how I can prove myself

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At age fifteen I run away from boarding school, communal residence projects and homes, and become a prostitute to get an endless supply of heroin

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At age fifteen I look for, and find, a sense of belonging in the community of outsiders

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At age fifteen my stepfather accuses me in court of seducing him and is released from jail early

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At age sixteen, as a result of taking fewer drugs, I suffer from paranoia, psychosis and hallucinations

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At age sixteen I am diagnosed as having cirrhosis of the liver

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Since I was sixteen, my life has been saved several times by emergency admissions after polytoxicomanic drug use

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At age seventeen my father has me forcibly committed to a youth psychiatric clinic

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At age seventeen I am given my first prison sentence

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Since I was seventeen, I have been given prison sentences for illegal prostitution, drug dealing, robbery and theft and dealing in stolen property

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At age seventeen I rent some space to live in the villa of my uncle and his whores

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At age twenty-two my poison relationship with the man I love comes to an end

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At age twenty-three I am clean and have no idea what to do with my boundless energy

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Ivana Landmann [1984] A

I am the grand-daughter of an alcoholic woman

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At age six my mother and her boyfriend take me to Austria, to escape from the poverty in Poland

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At age twelve my schoolteacher informs the Child Protection Service that my stepfather is abusing me

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At age twelve I enjoy the kindness and attention of the counselors at the crisis center

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At age thirteen I run away from home and seek the protection of a children’s home

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At age fourteen my mother is not willing to leave my brother’s father for me

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At age fourteen my mother regularly comes to visit me in the home and brings me sweets

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At age fifteen I am an aggressive child, fight with my carers and refuse to adjust

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At age fifteen I smoke marijuana and drink alcohol, together with other children in the home

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At age sixteen I take XTC and speed, am transferred to a boarding school and adapt to the drug-use of the other girls who live there

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At age sixteen I steal a dealer’s hash, copy his behaviour, feel proud of my power as a drug dealer and can afford to take unlimited quantities of heroin

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At age seventeen I am given a prison sentence and my lover insists that I change my life

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At age eighteen I wander the streets, seek out the company of other foreign addicts and use more and more drugs

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At age eighteen I go to my mother for help, have myself admitted to a closed psychiatric clinic and am treated and put on inhibitors

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At age eighteen I drop out of treatment and turn my aggression on my mother

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At age eighteen I leave the commune

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At age nineteen I am sent to prison and my girl-friend ends our relationship

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At age nineteen I am afraid of being alone, get hold of a gun and throw my weight around in the drugs scene

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At age nineteen I am sent to prison and accept treatment for the first time

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At age twenty I am clean and get over being hurt about having been used as a scapegoat and being an outsider

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At age twenty I pray to god for a life free from poison

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Kara Linasielka [1987] A

My father is the only person who is pleased that I am born a girl

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At the age of two I am surrounded by the god-fearing aunts of my father and of my mother who sleeps around

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At the age of four I want to be a priest and don’t feel at home in the girls’ world

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At the age of six I am ashamed of my father, who drinks and swears at my mother, calling her a tart and a whore

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At the age of twelve I run away and stay with my aunt and live a normal life

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At the age of fourteen I have to return home and am unable to concentrate at school

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When I am fourteen my father is admitted to a clinic and I tell my mother it’s her fault

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At the age of fifteen I hang around in the streets, pinch stuff, start drinking and take my aunts’ tranquillizers

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At the age of sixteen I leave school and get a job. The court threatens to have me forcibly admitted to a reform school

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At the age of seventeen I feel sorry for my sick father

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When I am twenty my little sister, who I have been taking care of as my own child, dies of meningitis, aged eight months

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When I am twenty my mother sinks into a deep depression and we are all devastated

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At the age of twenty-two I am addicted to alcohol and my mother sends me to my aunt in Germany

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At the age of twenty-three I try to keep my friends on the island away from drugs

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At the age of twenty-five I fall in love with a boy from the drugs scene

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At the age of twenty-five I share the feelings of loneliness and isolation in an exchange of letters with my boyfriend, who is in detention

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When I am twenty-seven we both deal marijuana, we are convicted, and the prison system shocks me

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At the age of twenty-nine I am released from prison, I use heroin and deal

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At the age of thirty my life consists of heroin, depression, blaming, endless loneliness, chaos and a sense of solidarity with my boyfriend

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When I am thirty-one we are sent to a drugs rehab commune in Spain and my mother threatens to report me to the police if I break off the treatment

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At the age of thirty-one my psychological dependency on cocaine is stronger than the physical dependency on heroin

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At the age of thirty-six I am treated for my hepatitis C while I am in prison

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At the age of thirty-six I am in detention for the fourth time, expect to be convicted again, and am full of fear of life with and without drugs, of sickness, isolation and freedom

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Josipa Boźić [1972] HR

I am born because my mother is against abortion as a deadly sin

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From the age of four my mother hits me violently whenever I ask about my father, who I know nothing about

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From the age of nine I play basketball and my mother rewards me

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At the age of eleven I defend myself from my mother’s sadistic abuse and humiliation of me

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At the age of fourteen I lose any prospect of a career in sport

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At the age of fourteen I leave school and am beaten by my sisters and my mother

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At the age of fourteen I try to kill myself so that my mother will be rid of me

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At the age of sixteen I drop out of my course and help Bosnian refugees in a UN refugee camp

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At the age of sixteen I learn from UN peacekeepers to smoke dope and to use XTC and LSD

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When I am sixteen my mother forbids me to marry a Muslim Arab

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At the age of seventeen I have a job and I can afford to take speed, LSD, XTC, hash, marijuana and magic mushrooms at techno parties

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At the age of nineteen I fall in love with the party dealer and we get into a symbiotic relationship

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At the age of nineteen I am adopted by my mother-in-law as a much-loved daughter

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At the age of nineteen I use heroin as a downer after consuming extreme quantities of cocaine, XTC and speed

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At the age of twenty-two I am happy within our junkie relationship

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At the age of twenty-two I am clean and happy with the birth of the first of our four children

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From the age of twenty-three my husband takes care of the drugs and money and I make sure we have a nice home

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When I am twenty-three my mother reports me to the police to get my children taken away from me

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When I am twenty-three the police threatens to take my children away if I don’t confess to an offence

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At the age of twenty-six I am relieved after my mother’s death and miss the continuation of our conflict

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At the age of twenty-nine I am put in a coma while on remand so that I will survive withdrawal

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At the age of thirty I take methadone while my husband is in detention and suffer from the unbearable separation of living apart from him

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At the age of thirty-two I am sentenced to time in prison, I am clean, and I despair at being separated from my husband and my children

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At the age of thirty-two I feel guilty about what my children are suffering

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Pia Herc [1976] HR

When I am born I am happy to be alive

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When I am nine months old my uncle saves my life and loses his own life

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When I am two years old, my alcoholic father regularly ill-treats my mother, who is constantly accusing

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At the age of three my parents get divorced and I am tormented by my mother’s lover

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When I am six, my father hits my mother so hard she ends up in hospital and I am glad that my parents are back together and that we move to the family’s countryside commune

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When I am nine we move to the city and I hit the boys who tease me at school

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At the age of ten I identify with the love-story of Christiane F

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When I am eleven my drunken father says that I am to blame for my uncle’s death

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At the age of twelve I drink and smoke dope

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When I am thirteen, the boy I look up to rapes me

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At the age of fourteen I am happy and doing well at school by using heroin

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At the age of fifteen I am in love with a man who is eighteen years older and we each keep our drug addiction a secret from the other

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When I am sixteen my parents report me to the police and forbid me to go on with the relationship

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At the age of seventeen I am in a depression and deal heroin to provide for my own habit

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At the age of nineteen my father reports me to the police and I am sent to prison

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At the age of twenty-one I am released and start dealing drugs on a large scale

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At the age of twenty-one I meet my husband and introduce him to the drugs scene

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At the age of twenty-three I hope that the beneficial effects of the shaman plant Ibogaine will help me to have a child while being free from drugs

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When I am twenty-five my daughter is born and my husband is imprisoned

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From the time that I am twenty-five, my single father supports me in my drug dealing and I provide him with money to live on

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When I am twenty-six my father claims part of the responsibility for my possession of drugs, as a result of which my sentence is reduced

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At the age of twenty-seven I am clean and live from one day to the next

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Vana Knez [1981] HR

I am the little sister of my dead sister

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When I am one year old my parents leave me behind with my grandmother, furious, in the Yugoslavian countryside

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When I am five years old my parents come and take me to their Germany of migrant worker and leave me alone while I go through the lonely adjustment to the strange new place

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When I am eleven my father is my confidant and our nostalgia is replaced by prosperity

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At the age of fourteen I am not afraid of the use of cocaine among my circle of rich kids

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At the age of sixteen I escape to follow a course in the city, far away from my parents’ supervision

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At the age of eighteen I marry a Yugoslavian criminal and adapt to a traditional wife’s role

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When I am nineteen my husband escapes from a German prison to Yugoslavia, he doesn’t like it there, and I get him to come to Switzerland

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At the age of twenty I am living a life of bored luxury and every day I do some money-laundering for my husband’s drugs and arms trade

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When I am twenty-five my husband terrorises me with violence and death threats and I start taking cocaine regularly

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At the age of twenty-five I abort my unwanted child and try to kill myself

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When I am twenty-six my parents come and take me home and have me locked up in a psychiatric institution and my father threatens my husband

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When I am twenty-six my husband shoots his way into the institution and frees me, and I use his cocaine, alcohol, crack and heroin

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When I am twenty-six I use my power as a wife to put pressure on another dealer and accept lovers with money and drugs

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At the age of twenty-eight I lose my Swiss residence permit and deal Swiss drugs in Germany

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At the age of twenty-nine I am sentenced to five years in prison in Germany and let myself be carted off to Croatia

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While aged thirty and thirty-one I am clean, lead a normal life and am frightened

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At the age of thirty-four I deal, and use endless quantities of heroin and cocaine

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At the age of thirty-four, I follow my husband to our seaside house, am helpless in the fatalistic use of drugs and allow myself to be terrorised, raped and abused

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At the age of thirty-seven I leave my husband and start a relationship with a young Croatian war invalid

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At the age of forty I am serving my prison sentence, suffer from Hepatitis C, am clean and will sacrifice kicks for a happy family life

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Justina Kralj [1968] HR

At birth, my heart stops beating

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At age three, I frequently live away from my parents

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At age eight, I suffer from racist behavior directed against my father and myself

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At age ten, I get homeopathic treatment against sadness and world-weariness

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At age twelve, I ask too much of my parents by being ill, and I drink excessive amounts of alcohol

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At age thirteen, my parents may refuse to see that I drink alcohol

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At age fourteen, I escape from intrusive men by maiming myself and making myself ugly

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At age fifteen, I drift around, drink myself unconscious, and desire to flee from my surroundings in the company of my lover

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At age seventeen, I suffer my life as a housewife with my boyfriend

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At age nineteen, I complete my second course of training and function on alcohol

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At age twenty, I enjoy my male job

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At age twenty-two, I work, addicted to drugs, under the obsessive interference of my employer

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At age twenty-four, I try to kill myself

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At age twenty-four, I live for months without the solace of alcohol, need more drugs, and start hallucinating

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At age twenty-four, I escape from being publicly exposed by my boss by going back to my parents and try to get help

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At age twenty-five, I feel at home in the company of drug addicts

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At age twenty-seven, I am a beloved dealer and am happy in my relationship with an addicted man

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At age twenty-nine, I am busy day and night trying to organize drugs for my friend and myself

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At thirty, I embezzle money from a friend and suffer from feelings of guilt and lack of drugs

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At age thirty, I panic, rob a gas station, and get arrested

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At age thirty, I enter prematurely into custody, am treated with methadone, and need fewer drugs

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At thirty-one, I am for the first time in my life diagnosed on the causes and nature of my addiction

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Mella Affolter [1976] CH

I am the unwanted child of my loveless mother

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At age five, I suffer from my father’s violence, violence imposed by my mother

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At age six, the school confirms my hyperactivity

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At age seven, I suffer from loneliness and start drinking my parents’ alcohol

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At age eight, my brother is sent to reform school

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At age thirteen, I find comfort with friends and smoke hashish and marihuana with them, and take LSD

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At age fifteen, a friend gives me my first shot of morphine

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At age fifteen, my parents put me out in the street

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At age sixteen, I shoot heroin and morphine

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At age seventeen, I start school at the wish of my parents, and am expelled because of my drug addiction

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At age nineteen, I also use cocaine, tranquilizers, and medicine

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At age twenty-one, my mentally retarded son is born

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At age twenty-two, I am detained and lose, through my parents’ intervention, the custody of my child

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At age twenty-two, I am in love with a woman, use fewer drugs, and escape from prison

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At age twenty-four, I fall back into polytoxicomaniacal drug abuse and deal hashish to finance my addiction

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At age twenty-seven I use no drugs apart from methadone to get two wish-children

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At age thirty-two, I relapse into drug abuse with my boyfriend and have my children placed in a foster home

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At age thirty-eight, I live in fatal dependence of a man and of drugs

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At age forty, I am homeless, and live in shelters or on the streets

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At age forty-two, my boyfriend forces me into prostitution, and I stab him

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At age forty-three, I break down and am committed to a psychiatric hospital

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At age forty-four, I am taken into custody

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At age forty-five, I fear dreams that announce my death

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Maria von Bank [1962] CH

I am the daughter of working parents who have little time for their five children

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At age nine, I have my first period and hide this fact during five years from my parents

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At age fifteen, I am raped by a man who hits me and threatens me

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At age fifteen, I do not suspect my pregnancy

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At age sixteen, my unwanted child dies

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At age seventeen, I use my mother’s tranquilizers

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At age eighteen, I cut and burn my body and drink alcohol

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At age nineteen, my suicide attempt fails

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At age nineteen, I feel safe in the comfort of my shared life with my beloved wife

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At age nineteen, I drink excessive amounts of alcohol

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At age twenty-four, I am being asked too much by my wish-child

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At age thirty-one, I divorce the father of my second child and am sober

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At age thirty-six, I am independent, and secretly drink

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At age forty, my boyfriend is dependent on drugs and on me

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At age forty-one, my boyfriend rapes and abuses me every day

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At age forty-one, I drink and my friend gives me cocaine without my knowing

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At age forty-one, I am submitted to enforced psychiatric treatment after a nervous breakdown

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At age forty-two, I snort heroine, drink continuously, and no longer defend myself against being raped and abused

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At age forty-two, I am convicted for the illegal possession of guns, after my boyfriend has shot at me

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At age forty-three, in a state of apathy and self-neglect, I allow my boyfriend to terrorize and blackmail me, use heroine and cocaine, and deal in drugs

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At age forty-five, I live in agony, am arrested, convicted, and endure my punishment

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Reneé Gasser [1960] CH

I am the devoted child of my theomaniacal mother

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At age eight, I am sexually abused by my father

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At age nine, my father attempts to rape me

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At age ten, I deliberately injure myself to blackmail my father

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At age fifteen, I am raped by a stranger, busted by the police, and accused by my mother

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At age fifteen, I anaesthetize myself with medicine

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At age sixteen, I run away from home, live together with a man and get pregnant

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At age seventeen, I am forced to marry the father of my child in order not to be expelled from my mother’s church

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At age eighteen, my husband begins to abuse me

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At age eighteen, I shoot heroine, work while addicted, and look after my beloved child

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At age twenty, I leave my husband, live with my parents, and work professionally as a dealer

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At age twenty-four, I manage a restaurant with my HIV-positive lover and take care of him until his death

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At age thirty-one, I love a drug-addicted woman and live happily

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At age thirty-seven, I contact my father in order to forgive him

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At age thirty-eight, I fear life, alone

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At age thirty-nine, I am being observed by the police, and am charged for openly dealing in heroine

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At age forty, I am arrested and sentenced to four years imprisonment

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At age forty, I submit to legally imposed treatment and confess my addiction to my son

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At age forty-two, I am clean, depressed, and cannot endure life in sobriety

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At age forty-two, I fall in love with a former drug addict, experience unprecedented understanding, and no longer defend myself through verbal violence

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At age forty-three, I break of treatment, and fall back into polytoxicomaniacal drug abuse

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At age forty-six, I am treated a full year for advanced liver cirrhosis

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At age forty-seven, I live in prison

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Kristine Stam [1959] CH

I am my mother’s whipping boy, and an unruly, depressed child

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At age six, my aunt and uncle wish to adopt me

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At age seven, I am not yet toilet trained

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At age seven, I am raped and beaten at the hospital by the doctor who is treating me

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At age thirteen, I run away from home for the first time

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At age fifteen, I start drinking alcohol

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At age sixteen, my relationship ends, and I try to shoot myself

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At age twenty-two, I wander on the streets and go home in order to drink

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At age twenty-nine, I marry my beloved

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At age thirty-seven, I wander on the streets, shut up into myself

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At age thirty-eight, I want to drown in the sea

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At age thirty-nine, I break with my family and my husband

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At age thirty-nine, I deny my addiction, resist treatment, and escape confinement in anxious-psychotic condition

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At age forty, I wander on the streets, depressed, neglected, furious, and ashamed, and drink myself into a stupor

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At age forty-one, they keep me asleep for a year

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At age forty-four, I for the first time stick out psychiatric treatment, am being sent away, and end up wandering on the streets and drinking

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At age forty-seven, I live under the protection of a drug rehabilitation program, can for the first time feel myself, and commit myself to a man

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At age forty-seven, I am committed to a psychiatric hospital to be treated for depression and grow rigid, motionless, with fear

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At age forty-seven, my beloved leaves me

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At age forty-eight, I live in gloom, without any defense

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At age forty-eight, my demented dad, my ally, dies

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At age forty-eight I am declared mentally fit, Addicts Care Services arrange admission to psychiatric ward, then I’m chucked out without any explanation and find myself on the street.

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Hester van de Beuken [1958] NL

Being the first-born, I look after my mother

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At age fifteen, I start going out and fall maniacally in love with men

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At age sixteen, I start smoking pot, and escape from my mother’s terrorizing reign

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At age seventeen, I run away from home

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At age eighteen, I am raped by a man while drunk

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At age nineteen, I can no longer have children

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At age twenty, I experiment with heroin, cocaine, and spirituality

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At age twenty-one, I use mushrooms, LSD, pot, and tranquilizers, and enjoy my hallucinations

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At age twenty-five, I violently break off my connections with my husband and the outside world

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At age twenty-six, my sister has become a heroin addict

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At age twenty-seven, I am clean and alone

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At age thirty, I comfort myself with homegrown cannabis and lock myself into a closet for months at the time

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At age thirty-two, I am addicted and psychotic without treatment

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At age thirty-nine, I go into rehab, build a ship, and survive on the thought of love

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At age forty, I work as a caregiver in a rehab program

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At age forty-three, I fall back on the use of homegrown cannabis as a substitute for love

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At age fifty-one, I am compulsively in love and psychotic

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At age fifty-one, I attack my mother

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At age fifty-one, I am sober

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Tessa de Vries [1954] NL

I am born short of breath and a depressed child

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At age ten, I am being treated with tranquilizers

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At age twelve, my sister and me are using pot, mushrooms, and LSD

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At age sixteen, my sister and I start shooting heroin

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At age eighteen, I am psychotic for the first time

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At age nineteen, I marry a doctor and live as a middle-class housewife and a junkie

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At age nineteen, I am for the first time forced to submit to psychiatric treatment for psychosis, depressive disorder, addiction, and hysteria

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At age twenty-seven, my sister dies of a heroin overdose

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At age twenty-seven, I start drinking excessive amounts of alcohol

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At age twenty-eight, I adopt my sister’s heroin baby as my beloved child

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At age twenty-eight, I train as a educationalist, and work with children while on drugs

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At age twenty-nine, I am pregnant and stop using heroin

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At age twenty-nine, I am hospitalized for nine months, speechless and apathetic, and being treated for postnatal depression

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At age thirty-four, I use cocaine and wander on the streets, bored and anxious

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At age thirty-six, my husband dies

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At age forty, I am beaten up and raped by a junkie who tries to force me into prostitution

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At age forty-two, my boyfriend is for the first time found guilty of abusing me and detained

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At age forty-seven, I enjoy wandering on the streets and using drugs with my boyfriend

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At age fifty, my alcoholic father dies

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At age fifty, I am clean for the second time in my life, and tired of life

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Louise van der Laan [1955] NL

I am born prematurely and survive my disability

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At age two, I am taken out of the hospital and brought home

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As a young child, I am being treated as a deformed child by my parents and punished at school for lagging behind in my development

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At age eight, I start drinking my alcoholic father’s booze

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At age seventeen, I fall in love with a compulsive gambler

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At age eighteen, I drink excessive amounts of alcohol

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At age eighteen, I begin systematically to seduce men and take them home

Audio

At age twenty, I am committed to a hospital to be treated for my defect

Audio

At age twenty-two, I am being abused by my intoxicated husband

Audio

At age twenty-three, I suffer from pains and am hospitalized

Audio

At age twenty-five, I am being treated like an inferior child by my husband and neglect myself

Audio

At age twenty-six, I decide to destroy myself

Audio

At age twenty-seven, I am depressed

Audio

At age twenty-eight, I cannot remember that I may have been raped while drunk

Audio

At age twenty-eight, I am chased out of the house by my husband and my parents

Audio

At age twenty-eight, my cousin’s drug addiction is kept secret within the family

Audio

At age twenty-eight, I flee Friesland, go into rehab, and live under the protection of the rehab program

Audio

At age thirty, I am depressed and committed to a psychiatric hospital in a state of shock

Audio
Renske Westra [1972] NL

At age six, I am afraid of my addict parents

Audio

At age twelve, my father dies

Audio

At age thirteen, I take my mother’s medicine and cannabis

Audio

At age sixteen, my brother dies

Audio

At age seventeen, I start shooting heroin

Audio

At age eighteen, my mother dies of an overdose

Audio

At age nineteen, I am living in france, homeless

Audio

At age twenty-five, I am jailed for the first time

Audio

At age thirty, I contract hiv in jail

Audio

At age thirty-one, I escape to the Netherlands to avoid being imprisoned again

Audio

At age thirty-two, I fall in love with a junkie and live with him illegally in Rotterdam

Audio

At age forty, I return to Germany for rehab, am treated with methadone, and start drinking

Audio

At age forty-one, I am committed to a psychiatric institution

Audio

At age forty-one, I hear that my lover has been shot dead

Audio

At age forty-two, I am admitted to a shelter for junkies with advanced cirrhosis of the liver

Audio

At age forty-four, I die while under the supervision of carers

Audio
Karin Pausch [1958-2002] D

As an infant maybe as a small child, I might be being abused

Audio

At age three, I am for the first time being treated by a therapist

Audio

At age six, the police brings me home for the first time

Audio

At age nine, I start being sexually abused

Audio

At age ten, I start drinking

Audio

At age twelve, I play truant a lot, and stay away from home nights on end

Audio

At age fourteen, I am sent to a home

Audio

At age sixteen, I shoot heroin

Audio

At age eighteen, I am taken into custody

Audio

At age twenty-four, I enter therapy

Audio

At age twenty-five, I quit therapy and go back on heroin

Audio
Rebecca Mertens [1976] D
Alma Kahn [1983] A
Ingeborg Kleinberg [1980] A
Ivana Landmann [1984] A
Kara Linasielka [1987] A
Josipa Boźić [1972] HR
Pia Herc [1976] HR
Vana Knez [1981] HR
Justina Kralj [1968] HR
Mella Affolter [1976] CH
Maria von Bank [1962] CH
Reneé Gasser [1960] CH
Kristine Stam [1959] CH
Hester van de Beuken [1958] NL
Tessa de Vries [1954] NL
Louise van der Laan [1955] NL
Renske Westra [1972] NL
Karin Pausch [1958-2002] D
Rebecca Mertens [1976] D
Alma Kahn [1983] A
Ingeborg Kleinberg [1980] A
Ivana Landmann [1984] A
Kara Linasielka [1987] A
Josipa Boźić [1972] HR
Pia Herc [1976] HR
Vana Knez [1981] HR
Justina Kralj [1968] HR
Mella Affolter [1976] CH
Maria von Bank [1962] CH
Reneé Gasser [1960] CH
Kristine Stam [1959] CH
Hester van de Beuken [1958] NL
Tessa de Vries [1954] NL
Louise van der Laan [1955] NL
Renske Westra [1972] NL
Karin Pausch [1958-2002] D
Rebecca Mertens [1976] D
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